The next time “C” comes up in the naming cycle, it will surely be Cyclone Cyrell.
I jest, but for those who missed it, Cyrell lost her shit tonight.
Unfortunately, it was one of those situations where she was right – Martha and The Instagram Chic were clearly stirring shit deliberately – but regardless, Cyrell behaved appallingly.
Let’s be clear: Cyrell’s behaviour is unequivocally unacceptable.
Yelling, screaming, breaking stuff and physically handling people is frightening, even if you weigh 40kg. Constantly threatening to leave is also pretty off.
The first question anyone should ask in relationship is, “Do I feel safe?”
If I were Nick – and as much as I really enjoy Cyrell in so many ways – my answer would be no. She is volatile, aggressive and explosive. To put it another way, he has to walk on eggshells around her. Red flag.
Lesson one: get your house in order BEFORE you set up house with someone else. Do you have to be perfect? No. But if you frighten people, you’re not ready for a relationship.
As a side note, it’s interesting to reflect on the class issues operating in MAFS. We think we’re a classless society in Australia, but that is obviously bullshit. Let’s get real – Martha either is (or thinks she is) from a different class to Cyrell. Elizabeth and Cyrell are the “rough trade” of the group and Martha is the Rich Princess. Jessika is the wannabe princess (she’s trying to “class up”) and everyone else is somewhere in-between. I think at one point Martha said she’d “never associate with someone like Cyrell” in real life. Let me translate: “Poor Bogan Westy’s are beneath me.” The Kardashians clearly are not.
The New Couples
Here we go again with the 1950’s gender shit.
Susie: “I’d really like someone different to everyone I’ve dated, someone who will respect me, be nice to me and be a good role model for my daughter.”
Also Susie: “Grow some balls and stop being so nice to me.”
The Hungarian dad was a piece of work and yet, in a deeply depressing way he was right - Susie really does have trouble liking Billy because he’s TOO KIND TO HER. Oh Susie, one day that kindness will go such a long way - like the first time you want help with gastro or you discover some self-esteem. He may talk too much (?) but never ever tell someone they’re being too nice to you; especially someone you want to build a life with and have around your daughter.
Then there’s Dan and Tamara.
They seem slightly more on track but the sex requests from Dan were veering on the edge of hmmmmmm for me. I strongly suspect Dan was being goaded by the producers, but still, it was a little bit much.
And again, from a Respectful Rlationships point of view, note how gendered their discussions about sex were.
Dan is “willing to work for it” (by waiting a whole 48 hours) and Tamara is “not just going to give it away” (is there a Kinder Surprise in her vagina?).
She’s a “good girl” (unlike bad girls who like sex?) and he “likes that” (and doesn’t like the girls who “are too easy”).
SUMMARY: he wants her to put out, but is glad she doesn’t, and she wants to, but better not, and they’re both disappointed.
The important point to note for teens is that dividing “girls” – aka WOMEN – into good or bad based on when they have sex is bullshit. It is a rehashing of an old, limiting Madonna/Whore thing and, as we know, we can’t win either way in that little equation.
More seriously, these ideas of “good” and “bad” girls are often used to justify sexual harassment and assault: she was asking for it and is the type of girl who wanted it. Just look at what she was wearing and she puts it around.
In short: you treat your wife/girlfriend with respect but sluts get what they deserve.
Teachable Moment: I don’t care if a woman or girl is in suspenders and fishnets rubbing herself on a pole in the middle of your lounge room – she still deserves respect. The laws – both moral and legal – of consent do not change based on your judgement of the worthiness of a person.
(By the way, it might seem like a leap to go from Dan and Tamara to sexual assault – and it is – but my point is that when we set women up and deserving and not deserving of respect, some women have to lose.)
Teachable Moments Summary:
Don’t scream at people, don’t break people’s stuff and don’t physically handle them. If you know you do these things; get a therapist, not a partner – that shit is on you to fix.
Don’t divide girls and women into good and bad based on sex.
Treat everyone with respect.
If you’re in the middle of a fight on the telly, take your face mask off and - no judgement - but anyone thinking of calling their kid Baby, might want to reconsider.
Until the most emotional dinner party ever, goodnight.