Nelly's favourite Quotes

"I'm happy that I have brought laughter because I have been shown by many the value of it in so many lives, in so many ways." Lucille Ball

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." Margaret Mead

"You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich'." Roseanne Barr

"Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children." Bill Hicks

"People say the only disability is a bad attitude. The next time I can't get into a building I'm going smile at the stairs until they turn into a ramp." Stella Young

"I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then." Alice in Wonderland

"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate." Jo Brand

"What you focus on becomes important." Unknown

"As far as I can tell, comedians are pretty serious people, and that's why they make fun of things all of the time." Maria Bamford

"Don't find fault, find a remedy." Henry Ford

Things you may not know about Nelly...

She loves musicals.

She has a family cat named Furio. He was named after a gangster on The Sopranos. Her previous cats have included Pinky (named after Mr Pink from Reservoir Dogs) and Gideon (named after the Bible ... but not by Nelly). She'd like a dog.

Nelly first enrolled in Engineering at the University of Australia and then gave it up for Arts when she experienced the Engineering Faculty during O-week.

Nelly was the first person in her family to go to university. She's not sure how much good it has done her.

Nelly once spent over 48 hours in a laundromat on a dare.

Nelly's friend and colleague Maria Bamford - who is something of an enormous star in the US - once fliered for Nelly in Edinburgh. Nelly was having such a hard time that Maria stood out the front of Nelly's venue and handed out fliers to try to convince strangers to see Nelly's show. Meanwhile, Maria had her own team of professional flierers doing the same for her show.

Nelly loves to cook. And eat. Anything but seafood (she once worked in a cray-fish factory).


Nelly's favourite TV Shows

Nelly absolutely and unapologetically loves TV. These are some of her favourite shows:

Survivor

The West Wing

True Detective

The Fall

The Eagle

Borgen

Roseanne

Playschool

Dancing with the Stars (except the UK version which is awful)

The Wire

The Sopranos

Friday Night Lights

Roseanne

Nelly's favourite Books

The Magic Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton

Moonface, Silky, Dame Washalot and the various lands of Goodies, Topsy-Turvy and Do-As-You-Please – what fabulous characters and worlds to pique the interest of inquisitive kids. And the humans are called things like “Fanny” and “Dick” – what’s not to love? Like Mr Men books, but actually well written.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

Just as Heathcliffe and Cathy’s love knows no bounds, nor does Nelly's affection for this classic love story. In fact, she was so enamored with it after reading it at high school that she read everything written by every Brontë ever, and ended up with her own newspaper column. It was called Dear Thomas and she answered questions on – and only on – the Brontë sisters. A rite of passage for feisty young wenches.

 Freedom by Jonathan Franzen

Sometimes blockbuster books are popular for a reason. There’s simply no better book about modern, first-world life than this. Equal parts gasp and cringe as you see yourself and everyone you know dissected. Incredible.

The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas

See above.

Perfume by Patrick Süskind

Until Nelly read this book – essentially a fancy serial killer novel – it had never occurred to her that the olfactory senses were senses at all. She now knows they’re more important than their showy cousins such as sight, touch and hearing.  This book will change the way you think. And it’s exquisitely written.

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

There’s men and there’s women. One likes cars and the shed, and the other likes shoes and multi-tasking. Bollocks. We’re all a bit of both and the “middlesex” is the way of the future. A story for those people like Nelly who like humans.

 A Descant for Gossips by Thea Astley

Nelly grew up in a small town in WA. Enough said.

 

Nelly on kids' honesty - contains grown-up swear words.

SOME OF NELLY'S JOKES

KIDS

The five most disgusting words you’ll ever hear: “Mum, my bum is itchy!" Closely followed by, “Mum, there’s pooh under my fingernails.”

FEMALE PILOTS

Someone told me recently that women shouldn't be pilots "because of the oestrogen ". Men on the other hand, have testosterone. I don't know about you, but I'd rather my pilot burst into tears than punch me in the face.

VACCINATION

A mum at my parent's group declared "Children aren't the same after vaccination". I replied, "They're not the same after Polio either."

FEMINISM

Of course I'm a feminist:  I’m a woman, I have two daughters, I have a vagina and I like to make decisions about what I do with it. Are we done?

ROYALTY

Did you here that they've changed the UK rules of succession to allow for princesses to take the throne?  GREAT! Now women can also enjoy power and privilege they didn't earn.

RETAIL CRISIS

I would shop at Myer, but I haven't been able to get service there since 1983.

RELATIONSHIPS

I think of monogamy like democracy. It’s shithouse... until you consider the alternative.

WEIGHT

Some people cope with the inevitable existential pain and angst of modern life through the use of drugs and alcohol; I’m more a spaghetti bolognaise kind of girl. 

EXERCISE

You know those people who say exercise is great and you get a natural high? It's not and you don't. You know what feels great? Eating cake. Preferably on a couch.

SMOKING

My Grandad used to say, of any problem, "smoke it out, like a rabbit." He died prematurely of lung cancer, but jeez he was fun at Easter.

BAD PARENT

Sometimes i think I'm not a good enough parent and then I remember the family I saw where the mother had a t-shit saying “mother”, the baby had a t-shirt saying “mother sucker” and the dad had a t-shirt saying ... you guessed it: “mother-fucker”. Then I reckon I'm doing ok.